"These are not friends," I thought to myself. I stood there in the street, looking down at my newborn baby in his stroller, then at my dog who was standing next to me with his leash tied around the stroller handle, and hit pause on the familiar voice in my headphones. I stood at a literal fork in the road, as I fought back the tears from the fork in the road in my mind. That day, on that routine neighborhood walk, I realized I needed to make a decision. I could continue down this path of loneliness, or could I try going somewhere new. It was in that moment that I knew I needed a friend. A friend who could truly listen, hear what I was saying, and to actually talk back to me. The pang in my stomach hit sharply when I admitted to myself that the podcast I had been listening to was just one of many that I played to drown out the loneliness I was facing. My dog, don't get me wrong, had been one of my dearest companions for years, but...he can't...talk. And my baby, my sweet and amazing son that I had been longing to hold for years, was here, and he was better than I could have ever imagined. And I knew that one day we'd be able to talk on some level as friends do, but that day was not yet here. Moreover, I knew that not only did I need a friend for my own health, but I needed a friend so I could be the best mom I could be for him, too.
Loneliness, lack of connection, isolation...it's real. It's a problem more people than admit face all over in all different walks of life. And parents? I think they can experience loneliness in many unexpected ways. When you become a parent, you quickly see your life has changed in pretty much every way. Some changes are wonderful, and some are really hard. There's an old saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." Every parent I know would agree with that. The problem is that not everyone has a "village." Even in my case, which was more fortunate than many others' situations, I was still missing connection. I had a supportive and strong relationship with my husband, but there were simply aspects of motherhood I was facing that he wasn't experiencing or couldn't fully understand. I had an incredible family, on both sides, but at the time, we lived states away from them. I had awesome friends, but the ones we shared everyday life with were not parents. This is not to say that you can't work on helping your parenting partner understand, or family can't support your from afar, or that friends who are not parents can't be meaningful friends anymore. Quite the opposite is true, and I'm forever grateful to say that about my circumstances. And yet, I still felt the very real sting of lacking my "village," yearning for that community as I began to walk the road set before me as a mother.
That afternoon, standing in the street, I made the decision to try something different. With some big changes to our lives, and by pushing myself out of my comfort zone time and time again, I'm thankful to say I began to make connections, and I found my village. I learned that friends are sometimes found in the places you least suspect, and that there are times you might need to build the space for those friendships to grow. It's a dream that I get to now take what I learned in early motherhood and to build a space for this type of connection to form for others. I can't believe I get to be a part of that here at Wonder.
So if you're looking for a friend, this space is made for you. And if you're someone who already feels rich in the friendship department, show up for another person who needs it. Parents, let's be each others' village...for ourselves and for our children.
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